Day 10

So.......how has it been? Is your spouse noticing that "something" is different. It's still early, maybe he/she notices, but can't quite figure it out. That's okay. It's kind of fun to watch them try and figure out what is happening.
Day 10

Now on to Day #10

Love is Unconditional

God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ dies for us. – Romans 5:8

If someone were to ask you, “Why do you love your wife?” or “Why do you love your husband?” – what would you say?

Most men would mention their wife’s beauty, her sense of humor, her kindness, her inner strength. They might talk about her cooking, her knack for decorating, or what a good mother she is.

Women would probably say something about their husband’s good looks or his personality. They’d commend him for his steadiness and consistent character. They’d say they love him because he’s always there for them. He’s generous. He’s helpful.

But what if over the course of years, your wife or husband stopped being every one of those things. Would you still love them? Based on your answers above, the only logical response would be “no.” If your reasons for loving your spouse all have something to do with his or her qualities – and then those same qualities suddenly or gradually disappear – your basis for love is over.

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.

The Bible refers to this kind of love by using the Greek word agape (pronounced uh-GOP-ay).

It differs from the other types of love, which are – phileo (friendship) and eros (sexual love). Both friendship and sex have an important place in marriage, of course, and are definitely part of the house you build together as husband and wife. But if your marriage totally depends on having common interests or enjoying a healthy sex life, then the foundation of your relationship is unstable.

Phileo and eros are more responsive in nature and can fluctuate based upon feelings. Agape love, on the other hand, is selfless and unconditional. So unless this kind of love forms the foundation of your marriage, the wear and tear of time will destroy it. Agape love is in “sickness and health” love, “for richer or poorer” love, “for better or worse” love. It is the only kind of love that is true love.

That’s because this is God’s kind of love. He doesn’t love use because we are lovable but because He is so loving. The Bible says, “In this love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10). If He insisted that we prove ourselves worthy of His love, we would fail miserably. But God’s love is a choice He makes completely on His own. It’s something we receive from Him and then share with others. “We love, because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

If a man says to his wife, “I have fallen out of love with you,” he is actually saying, “I never loved you unconditionally to begin with.” His love was based on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment. That’s the result of building a marriage on phileo or eros love. There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction. Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstance.

That’s not to say, though, that love which began for the wrong reasons cannot be restored and redeemed. In fact, when you rebuild your marriage with agape as its foundation, then the friendship and romantic aspects of your love become more endearing than ever before. When your enjoyment of each other as best friends and lovers is based on unwavering commitment, you will experience an intimacy that cannot be achieved any other way.

But you will struggle and fail to attain this kind of marriage unless you allow God to begin growing His love within you. Love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7) does not come from within. It can only come from God.

The Scriptures say that “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39). This is God’s kind of love. And thankfully – by your choice – it can become your kind of love. But first you must receive it and share it.

And don’t be surprised, when your spouse begins living confidently under its shade, if he or she doesn’t become even more lovable to you than you remember. You will no longer say, “I love you because …” You will now say, “I love you, period.”

Today’s Dare

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse --- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

He who trusts in the Lord, loving kindness shall surround him. (Psalm 32:10)

Ready, Set, LOVE!

Day 9

One of my many flaws is that I bite off way more than I can chew........

No excuses. I'm back and back strong. Some of you kept going, some stopped before I did and some used my absence as an "excuse." No matter where you are, the good news is that you can keep going or start over again. I'm tempted to put several days up so that you can catch up, but this is not a sprint, it's more of a marathon.

If you want a few more days up, so that you can work ahead or know what's coming, let me know and I'll put them up. In the meantime............

So, we left of days ago at day 9.

Day 9

Love Makes Good Impressions

Greet one another with a kiss of love. – 1 Peter 5:14

You’ve covered some serous ground so far in this journey. Learning to demonstrate aspects of love patience, kindness, and encouragement are not always easy but are certainly crucial to a healthy relationship. So dealing with the way you greet your spouse each day may seem inconsequential, but this small issue carries surprising significance.

You can tell a lot about the state of a couple’s relationship from the way they greet one another. You can see it in their expression and countenance, as well as how they speak to each other. It is even more obvious by their physical contact. But how much importance should you give a greeting?

The Bible has more to say about greetings than you might expect. The apostle Paul took time to encourage his readers to greet one another warmly when they met. In fact, near the end of his letter to the Romans, he asked fellow believers to greet twenty-seven of his friends and loved ones for him. He even took time to list each one by name.

It’s not just about your friends, however. Jesus noted in His Sermon on the Mount that even pagans speak kindly to people they like. That’s easy for anyone to do. But He took it a step further and said that being godly included being humble and gracious enough to address even your enemies with kindness.

This raises an interesting question. How do you greet your friends, coworkers, and neighbors? How about acquaintances and those you meet in public?

You may even encounter someone you don’t necessarily like yet still acknowledge them out of courtesy. So if you’re this nice and polite to other people, doesn’t your spouse deserve the same? Times ten?

It’s probably something you don’t think about very often – the first thing you say to him or to her when you wake up in the morning, the look on your face when you get in the car, the energy in your voice when you speak on the telephone. But here’s something else you probably don’t stop to consider – the difference it would make in your spouse’s day if everything about you expressed the fact that you were really, really glad to see them.

When someone communicates that they are glad to see you, your personal sense of self-worth increases. You feel more important and valued. That’s because a good greeting sets the stage for positive and healthy interaction. Like love, it puts wind in your sails.

Think back to the story Jesus told of the prodigal son. This young, rebellious man demanded his inheritance money and then wasted it on foolish lifestyle. But soon his bad choices caught up with him, and he found himself eating scrapes in a pigpen. Humbled and ashamed, he practiced his apologies and tried to think of the best way to go home and face his father. But the greeting he was expecting was not the one he received. “While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed” (Luke 15:20).

Of all the scenarios this young man had played out in his mind, this was likely the last one he expected. But how do you think it made him feel to receive his father’s embrace and hear his thankful tone? He no doubt felt loved and treasured once again. What do you think it did in their relationship?

What kind of greetings would make your mate feel like that? How could you excite his or her various senses with a simple word, a touch, a tone of voice? A loving greeting can bless your spouse through what they see, hear, and feel.

Think of the opportunities you have to greet each other on a regular basis. When coming through the door. When meeting for lunch. When saying good-night. When talking on the phone.

It doesn’t have to be bold and dramatic every time. But adding warmth and enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate’s heart in subtle, unspoken ways.

Think about your greeting. Do you use it well? Does your spouse feel valued and appreciated? Do they feel loved? Even when you’re not getting along too well, you can lessen the tension and give them value by the way you greet them.

Remember, love is a choice. So choose to change your greeting. Choose love.


Today’s Dare

Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love. (Philemon 7)

Day 8

NOTE:
I got day 7 and 8 mixed up. Jealousy is really day 8. Day 7 is Love Believes the Best, so we will cover that content today and then we'll be all set and back on track

Whew! Have you ever seen the TV show about being smarter than a 5th grader? Well, I have a 5th grader, but he is SURE that he is smarter than I am. AND, it's pretty amazing how much WRONG information his teacher gives him :) Where am I going you wonder.....nowhere, I just had to get that off of my chest. No, really......

Our excuses probably sound to God like my 5th grader's do to me. Absolutely ridiculous. Then, to top it off there is that matter of the 5th grader knowing more than i do and i in turn act as if i know more than God.

Consider today's thought. Love Believes the BEST. Have you ever caught yourself thinking that it was somehow RIGHT to continuously think negatively of someone? We keep score of all the bad things people have done and feel as if that scorecard gives us the right to thing wrongly. Well, don't take my word for it. Let's see what the Love Dare has to say.

Day 8 Love Believes the BEST

Love Believes the Best

[Love] believes all things, hopes all things. – 1 Corinthians 13:7

In the deep and private corridors of your heart, there is a room. It’s called the Appreciation Room. It’s where your thoughts go when you encounter positive and encouraging things about your spouse. And every so often, you enjoy visiting this special place.

On the walls are written kind words and phrases describing the good attributes of your mate. These may include characteristics like “honest” and “intelligent,” or phrases like “diligent worker,” “wonderful cook,” or “beautiful eyes.” They are things you’ve discovered about your husband or wife that have embedded themselves in your memory. When you think about these things, your appreciation for your spouse begins to increase. In fact, the more time you spend meditating on these positive attributes, the more grateful you are for your mate.

Most things in the Appreciation Room were likely written in the initial stages of your relationship. You could summarize them as things you liked and respected about your loved one. They were true, honorable, and good. And you spent a great deal of time dwelling on them in this room … before you were married. But you may have found that you don’t visit this special room as often as you once did. That’s because there is another competing room nearby.

Down another dark corridor of your heart lies the Depreciation Room, and unfortunately you visit there as well.

On its walls are written the things that bother and irritate you about your spouse. These things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings, and the disappointment of unmet expectations.

This room is lined with the weaknesses and failures of your husband and wife. Their bad habits, hurtful words, and poor decisions are written in large letters that cover the walls from one end to the other. If you stay in this room long enough, you get depressed and start expressing things like, “My wife is so selfish,” or “My husband can be such a jerk.” Or maybe, “I think I married the wrong person.”

Some people write very hateful things in this room where tell-off statements are rehearsed for the next argument. Emotional injuries fester here, adding more scathing remarks to the walls. It’s where ammunition is kept for the next big fight and bitterness is allowed to spread like a disease. People fall out of love here.

But know this. Spending time in the Depreciation Room kills marriages. Divorces are plotted in this room and violent plans are schemed. The more time you spend in this place, the more your heart devalues your spouse. It begins the moment you walk in the door, and your care for them lessens with every second that ticks by.

You may say, “But these things are true!” Yes, but so are the things in the Appreciation Room. Everyone fails and has areas that need growth. Everyone has unresolved issues, hurts, and personal baggage. This is a sad aspect of being human. We all have sinned. But we have this unfortunate tendency to downplay our own negative attributes while putting our partner’s failures under a magnifying glass.

Let’s get down to the real issue here. Love knows about the Depreciation Room and does not live in denial that it exists.

But love chooses not live there.

You must decided to stop running to this room and lingering there after every frustrating event in your relationship. It does you no good and drains the joy out of your marriage.

Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.

It’s time to start thinking differently. It’s time to let love lead your thoughts and your focus. The only reason you should glance in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your spouse. And the only reason you should ever go in this room is to write “COVERED IN LOVE” in huge letters across the walls.

It’s time to move into the Appreciation Room, to settle down and make it your home. As you choose to meditate on the positives, you will learn that many more wonderful character qualities could be written across these walls. Your spouse is a living, breathing, endless book to be read. Dreams and hopes have yet to be realized. Talents and abilities may be discovered like hidden treasure. But the choice to explore them starts with a decision by you.

You must develop the habit of reining in your negative thoughts and focusing on the positive attributes of your mate. This is a crucial step as you learn to lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision that you make, whether they deserve it or not.


Today’s Dare

For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

If there is anything praiseworthy -- meditate on these things. (Philippians 4:8 NKJV)

If you are smarter than a 5th grader, you will indeed move out of depreciation into apreciationReady, Set, LOVE!

Day 7

Well, it's day 7. How are things going? i'm thinking that instead of the Love Dare, this book should be called the love MIRROR. Too bad, i don't like what i see in most cases.

Heres' the reading for today. Again, I've included it in it's entirety.

Love is Not Jealous

Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. – Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV

Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man. It comes from the root word for zeal and means “to burn with an intense fire.” Scripture pointedly says, “Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4).

There are actually two forms: a legitimate jealousy based upon love, and an illegitimate jealousy based upon envy. Legitimate jealousy sparks when someone you love, who belongs to you, turns his or her heart away and replaces you with someone else. If a wife has an affair and gives herself to another person, her husband may have justified, jealous anger because of his love for her. He is longing to have back what is rightfully his.

The Bible describes God as having this kind of righteous jealousy for His people. It’s not that He is envious of us, wishing He had what we have (since He already owns everything). It’s that He deeply longs for us, desiring for us to keep Him as our first love. He doesn’t want us to let anything take precedence over Him in our hearts. The Bible warns us not to worship anything but Him because “the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God” (Deuteronomy 4:24).

With this established, we will shift our focus to the illegitimate kind of jealousy that is in opposition to love – the one that is rooted in selfishness. This is to be jealous of someone, to be “moved with envy.”

Do you struggle with being jealous of others? Your friend is more popular, so feel hatred towards her. Your coworker gets the promotion, so you can’t sleep that night. He may have nothing wrong, but you became bitter because of his success. It has been said that people are fine with our succeeding, just as long as it is not more than theirs.

Jealousy is a common struggle. It is sparked when someone else upstages you and gets something you want. This can be very painful depending upon how selfish you are. Instead of congratulating them, you fume in anger and think ill of them. If you’re not careful, jealousy slithers like a viper into your heart and strikes your motivations and relationships. It can poison you from living the life of love God intended.

If you don’t diffuse your anger by learning to love others, you may eventually begin plotting against them. The Bible says that envy leads to fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing (James 3:16, 4:1-2).

There is a string of violent jealousy seen throughout Scripture. It caused the first murder when Cain despised God’s acceptance of his brother’s offering. Sarah sent away her handmaiden because Hagar could bear children while Sarah could not. Joseph’s brothers saw he was their father’s favorite, so they threw him in a pit and sold him as a slave. Jesus was more loving, powerful, and popular than the chief priests, so they envied Him and plotted His betrayal and crucifixion.

You don’t usually get jealous of disconnected strangers. The ones you’re tempted to jealous of are primarily in the same arena with you. They work in your office, play in your league, run in your circles … or live in your house. Yes, if you aren’t careful, jealousy can also infect your marriage.

When you were married, you were given the role of becoming your spouse’s biggest cheerleader and the captain of his or her fan club. Both of you become one and were to share in the enjoyment of the other. But if selfishness rules, any good thing happening to only one of you can be a catalyst for envy rather than congratulations.

He may enjoy golf on the weekend while she stays home cleaning the house. He boasts to her about shooting a great score and she feels like shooting him.

Or perhaps she is constantly invited to go out with friends while he is left home with the dog. If he’s not careful, he can resent her popularity.

Because love is not selfish and puts other first, it refuses to let jealousy in. It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them. A loving husband doesn’t mind his wife being better at something, having more fun, or getting more applause. He sees her as completing him, not competing with him.

When he receives praise, he publicly thanks her for her support in aiding his own success. He refuses to brag in such a way that may cause her to resent him. A loving wife will be the first to cheer for her man when he wins. She does not compare her weaknesses to his strengths. She throws a celebration, not a pity party.

It is time to let love, humility, and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart. It’s time to let your mate’s successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to show genuine love.


Today’s DareDetermine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. (Romans 12:15)

Ready, Set, LOVE!

Day 6

Why am I getting worse instead of better? I'm sorry, it's so late......Pray for me....please. I can honestly say today that if you were not on this journey with me, I'd quit. This has nothing to do with my husband. It's all about ME. MYSELF has escaped from the basement again. I can't believe this is about being irritable when I am more irritable at this very moment than I have been in WEEKS. Just when I was planning my "attack." I read today's dare. I'll tell you, I am not a happy camper, but hey, it's not about ME now is it?

Once again, I'm posting the entire devotional thought. I realize that several people still don't have the book.

Day 6 "Love is not irritable"

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. -Proverbs 16:32

Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. How easily do you get irritated and offended? Some people have the motto, “Never pass up an opportunity to get upset with your spouse.” When something goes wrong, they quickly take full advantage of it by expressing how hurt or frustrated they are. But this is the opposite reaction to love.

To be irritable means “to be near the point of a knife.” Not far from being poked. People are irritated are locked, loaded, and ready to overact.

When under pressure, love doesn’t turn sour. Minor problems don’t yield major reactions. The truth is, love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate and just reason in the sight of God. A loving husband will remain calm and patient, showing mercy and restraining his temper. Rage and violence are out of the question. A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercise emotional self-control. She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.

If you are walking under the influence of love, you will be a joy, not a jerk. Ask yourself, “Am I a calming breeze, or a storm waiting to happen?”

Why do people become irritable? There are at least two key reasons that contribute to it:

Stress. Stress weighs you down, drains your energy, weakens your health, and invites you to be cranky. It can be brought on by the relational causes: arguing, division, and the bitterness. There are excessive causes: overworking, overplaying, and overspending. And there are deficiencies: not get enough rest, nutrition, or exercise. Oftentimes we inflict these daggers on ourselves, and this sets us up to be irritable.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. This means you must balance, prioritize, and pace yourself. Too often we throw caution to the wind and run full steam ahead, doing what feels right at the moment. Soon we are gasping for air, wound up in knots, and ready to snap. The increasing pressure can wear away at our patience and our relationship.

The Bible can help you avoid unhealthy stress. It teaches you to let love guide your relationships to so you aren’t caught up in unnecessary arguments (Colossians 3:12-14). To pray through your anxieties instead of tackling them on your own (Philippians 4:6-7). To delegate when you are overworked (Exodus 18:17-23). To avoid overindulgence (Proverbs 23:16)

It also exhorts you to take a “Sabbath” vacation day every week for worship and rest. This strategically allows you time to recharge, refocus, and add breathing room or margin to your weekly schedule. Establishing these kinds of extra spaces will place cushions between you and the pressures around you, reducing stress that keeps you on edge around your mate. But there is a deeper reason why you can become irritable –

Selfishness. When you’re irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart. Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34 NKJV). Some people are like lemons: when life squeezes them, they pour out a sour response. Some are more like peaches: when the pressure is on, the result is still sweet.

Being easily angered is an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule. But selfishness also wears many other masks:

Lust, for example, is the result of being ungrateful for what you have and choosing to covet or burn with passion for something that is forbidden. When your heart is lustful, it will become easily frustrated and angered (James 4:1-3). Bitterness takes root when he is provoked (Ephesians 4:31). Greed for more money and possessions will frustrate you with unfulfilled desires (1 Timothy 6:9-10). These strong cravings coupled with dissatisfaction lead you to lash out at anyone who stands in your way. Pride leads you to act harshly in order to protect your ego and reputation.

These motivations can never be satisfied. But when love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. It loosens your grasp and helps you let go of unnecessary things.

Love will lead you to forgive instead of holding a grudge. To be grateful instead of greedy. To be content rather than rushing into more debt. Love encourages you to be happy when someone else succeeds rather than lying wake at night in envy. Love says “share the inheritance” rather than “fight with your relatives.” It reminds you to prioritize your family rather than sacrifice them for a promotion at work. In each decision, love ultimately lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build up inside. It then sets up your heart to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.

TODAY'S DARE

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

Things to ponder:

Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it?

Day 5

Well, yesterday's email went out a bit late, so you are probably still trying to get a handle on day 4's challenge. No worries. This isn't a race, it's more of a marathon, so we might go faster or slower at times, but as long as we enjoy the journey and make it to the finish line we'll be just fine.

Not sure i'd call today's assignment easy. It will take some taming of the attitude and tongue for sure, so let's prayerfully get to it. i'm posting today's reading in it's entirety (I'll do that from time to time) so that you can really get a handle on the background for the dare. Here goes...........

Day 5

Love is not rude

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.

—Proverbs 27:14


Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. However you look at it, no one enjoys being around a rude person. Rude behavior may seem insignificant to the person doing it, but it’s unpleasant to those on the receiving end.

As always, love has something to say about this. When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that’s more pleasant for his wife to be around. If she desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort.

The bottom line is that genuine love minds its manners.

Embracing this one concept could add some fresh air to your marriage. Good manners express to your wife or husband, “I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who’s a pleasure to be with.” When you allow love to change your behavior—even in the smallest of ways—you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them.

For the most part, the etiquette you use at home is much different than the kind you employ with friends, or even with total strangers. You may be barking or pouting around the house, but if the front door chimes, you open it all smiling and kind. Yet if you dare to love, you’ll also want to give your best to your own. If you don’t let love motivate you to make needed changes in your behavior, the quality of your marriage relationship will suffer for it.

Women tend to be much better at certain types of manners than men, though they can be rude in other ways. King Solomon said, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 25:24 niv). But men especially need to learn this important lesson. The Bible says, “It is well with the man who is gracious” (Psalm 112:5). A man of discretion will find out what is appropriate, then adjust his behavior accordingly.

There are two main reasons why people are rude: ignorance and selfishness. Neither, of course, is a good thing. A child is born ignorant of etiquette, needing lots of help and training. Adults, however, display their ignorance at another level. You know the rules, but you can be blind to how you break them or be too self-centered to care. In fact, you may not realize how unpleasant you can be to live with.

Test yourself with these questions:

• How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?

• How does your behavior affect your mate’s sense of worth and self-esteem?

• Would your husband or wife say you’re a blessing, or that you’re condescending and embarrassing?

If you’re thinking that your spouse—not you—is the one who needs work in this area, you’re likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness. Remember, love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard.

Do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it’s time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?

Here are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage:

1. Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated (see Luke 6:31).

2. No double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.

3. Honor requests. Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not do. If in doubt, then ask.



Today’s Dare

Ask your spouse to tell you three
things that cause him or her to be
uncomfortable or irritated with you.
You must do so without attacking them
or justifying your behavior. This is
from their perspective only.

Day 4

My mom used to say, "Time waits for no man." i have found that to be the truth. i'm almost tempted to make this an 80 day journey, as it seems i need TWO days to complete each dare. For now, we'll stick with the 40 day plan and i'll get myself together.

Speaking of mySELF. She rose her ugly head last night, but i wrestled her down and locked her in the basement. It was a close call though. Only kind words flowed from my mouth and i think even my face resisted the temptation to show disapproval. So, it was a good day.

Day 4 -- Love is Thoughtful

How precious also are Your thoughts to me.....How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. (Psalms 139:17-18).

Whew! There are really some gems here. The bottom line is that Love THINKS! "It is not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally. It keeps busy in thought knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions."

Do you remember the early days of your relationship? Those days when your thoughts were consumed with him? Have you ever written in a card or said in person or over the phone, "I can't stop thinking about you?" You included that special someone in all of your thoughts and decisions. Fast forward a few years and then you find yourself thinking of and protecting mySELF, MY time, MY money, MY job, MY friends, MY, MY, MY and before you know it you have begun to systematically, albeit unintentionally, exclude your spouse.

"When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse? What immediate need can you meet? What's the next event (anniversary, birthday, holiday) you could be be preparing for?"

And how's this for a great line to wrap up the Love is Thoughtful section? "Great marriages come from great thinking."

Today's Dare:

Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have NO agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

Another Confession: I am hesitating on this one. I already have soooo much on my plate. I'm afraid, he'll say, "yes, would you please ______________" Then I'd have to fit ANOTHER thing in to my already full day. A little vulnerability here.....look at the preceding sentence. Four I's and one MY. Guess it will take more than four days to realize that this isn't about ME.

Question: Do you think women are more adept than men at being thoughtful?

Hey, I gotta run, I think mySELF escaped from the basement.

Day 3

Nothing like stating the obvious, Love is Not Selfish. Funny, if it is so obvious, why do we remain focused on me, mySelf and I instead of our spouse?

Love is Not Selfish. Here are a few highlights in case you haven't gotten the book as yet.

"We live in a world that is enamored with "self." The culture...teaches us to focus on appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority. The goal, it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible."

The Problem?

"It is almost impossible to focus on your own feelings and desires while giving unselfishly and unconditionally to your spouse. Someone has to win, and in most cases, it's SELF."

i thought this was spot on, "Almost every sinful action every committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves....Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for our mate? When a husband puts his interests, desires and priorities in front of his wife, that is a sign of selfishness." Hold on sistah before you get too happy......"When wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that's a sign of selfishness."

So, the goal here is to put your spouse FIRST.

Here is Today's Dare:

"Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will be become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I WAS THINKING OF YOU TODAY"."

It doesn't have to be BIG. Just meaningful.

C'mon, please share. Let us know what you are thinking. Is your spouse hard to buy for? Will this be fun or a chore?

Day 2

Day 1 was easy, i don't tend to be verbally negative and it was Mother's Day here in the United States, so my hubby was EXTRA kind to me. It was a good day and the eviction of me, mySelf and I seemed to work just fine. i intended to kick it up a bit and say something "extra" positive, but night fell and sleep came first.

Now for Day 2

There are lots of good gems in the short reading for day 2. i especially liked this quote.

It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness.

Today's Dare

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

Ready, Set, Love!

Question:

How will you show kindness today?

Day 1

As Satan would have it, I woke up feeling very SELF absorbed and ME oriented today. Then I was reminded that the Love Dare starts NOW!

So, i first must say good bye to three friends who have been seriously influencing me for a long time. Me, MySelf and I. There is no room for them in this process, so they've got to go.

Dear me, mySelf and I. It has been a pleasure, in a sick sort of way, bowing and pandering to you. However, times have changed and there is not enough room in my heart for unconditional love and SELF. The two can't coexist, so you'll have to take up residence elsewhere.

Looking forward to life without you,

Loretta

Now, for the Love Dare. Something that jumped out at me from today's reading was this, "It's a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you." Today, the Spirit of God will control my emotions. My emotions (which happen to be all over the place today) will NOT control me.

Today's Dare:

Say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret. (The Love Dare, p.4)

Ready, Set, LOVE!

Question: Do you struggle with negativity? Would your hubby say that you "remind" (nag) him?

Getting Started

Welcome! You are here because you are committed to radically loving someone-could be your spouse, one of your children, your mother/father in law or a sibling. It doesn't matter as long as you are willing, for the next 40 days (beginning Sunday, May 9th), to put yourself aside and love like you never have before.

This is the place to share your victories, ask questions of others who are on this journey and get support when things aren't going very well.

You are free to post a message that will be seen by the masses or you can shoot me a personal email. In some way or another, I am connected to most of the people who will be here and if you want to make personal contact with someone that you don't know I'd be glad to help make that happen.

So, ladies (and gents!)....Let's DO THIS!

Welcome to the Love Dare!

You have done the most important thing. You have Committed to radical, unconventional, unconditional love.

Next, you'll need a copy of the book, The Love Dare It is very popular and can found anywhere books are sold. You might find the best deals online.

Please, pray and ask the Lord to bless your efforts during the 40 days. I guarantee you that there will be days that make you wish you had done this a long time ago and days that you want to turn in your spouse for another :) in the end, God will be glorified and we will have shown the Love of Christ, and THAT is what matters. Think of it as a marathon versus a sprint. As long as we keep the pace and keep moving forward we will succeed.

Finally, please say hello and give a quick introduction of yourself and tell us if you are doing the love dare on your spouse or someone else. If you'd rather be anonymous, that is okay too.

The official start date will be Sunday, May 9, 2010. That should give everyone enough time to get the book.

Looking forward to sharing this 40 day journey with you. Loretta